Christmas Gift Guide for Your Foodie Friends

Seven years ago for the December issue of Augusta Magazine, I prepared Deb’s Big List of Do’s and Don’ts for the Holiday Shopping Spectacular—what to buy and, more importantly, what not to buy the foodcentric soul in your life. From my perspective, the advice had some staying power. Over the past seven years, my stocking has been stuffed with some of the most delightful gifts. A Japanese paring knife that I keep in my glove compartment, just in case I need to slice a fresh peach from a roadside stand on the way home from Trenton. A subscription to Gastronomica, an academic magazine dedicated to food, culture and society. A container of No. 137: Rose Salted Basil Peanut Spread from the San Diego-based Spread Restaurant. Clearly, some of you were paying attention.

I’m also pleased to report that I have not received any of the most egregious food gifts highlighted in my column—the George Foreman Indoor Grill with Bun Warmer, the Mickey Mouse waffle iron or the Toastmaster Sandwich Maker. Nor have I received any nondescript tins of cookies—no Danish Butter Cookies, no Walker Shortbread and no Pepperidge Farm samplers have made their way under my tree. Again, some of you were paying attention.Last year, however, I did receive wine charms, those silly and superfluous baubles that help party guests keep track of their glasses. And since wine charms, my friends, were at the top of the No Buy List, Madame Editor and I both felt our readers could use a refresher.

So if you have a serious cook, astute oenophile or hard-core foodie on your holiday shopping list, you’ll want to spend a few minutes here before moving on to the “Around Town” feature looking for snapshots of your friends and colleagues. Follow my advice and I’m sure you’ll please the most discerning of culinary-minded characters. Don’t—well, don’t and save your receipts. You are very likely damning your gift recipient to an interminable wait in the returns department.

First and foremost, let’s address the fail safe of all last-minute holiday shoppers—the gift certificate. Who doesn’t love the flexibility of a restaurant gift card? But serious food types also love local chefs. As harried as you may be during this most joyous of seasons, do not buy us gift certificates from chain restaurants. Do treat us to a meal at Sheehan’s Irish Pub or Frog Hollow Tavern, local culinary hotspots serving up fare by Chef John Beck and Chef Sean Wight, respectively (and quite respectably). Or encourage us to drive to Aiken to spend an evening in the company of Chef Bradley Czajka at O’liva or to Athens to dine with Chef Hugh Acheson at the much-ballyhooed Five & Ten.

We foodies love our adult beverages, but please, not another bottle of Chardonnay. How about a Pinot Gris with enough legs to dance with a pesto encrusted salmon? Or something local perhaps—a bottle of Sangiovese or Camellia Red from 1810 Winery in Thomson? Or might I suggest you make your way to White Horse Wine and Spirits in Surrey Center and ask Faulkner or Melissa to walk you through their growing collection of esoteric liquors and liqueurs. There’s not a self-respecting foodie among us who would fail to rejoice upon receiving a bottle of Crème de Violette, a lovely purple maceration of Queen Charlotte and March Violets in grape brandy with cane sugar added for sweetness. Trust me, we’ll toast your good taste.

As a vodkaphile, I’m always delighted to receive a bottle of my favorite clear spirit, but please venture beyond the Smirnoff and Skyy. Wrap up a bottle of something daring like smoked salmon infused vodka from the Alaska Distillery (yes, in Wasilla) or a bottle of Bakon, a potato vodka with a savory porcine flavor. Both are perfect for Sunday morning bloodies.
Do not, as noted above, no matter how strong the temptation, buy a tin of cookies unless you find them at a bake sale and have been assured that they were formed by the gnarled hands of somebody’s grandmomma. Sixteen-layer cakes with that crunchy fudge icing are also acceptable. Very acceptable.

I caution all last-minute shoppers not to buy pre-packaged food extravaganzas such as pasta-themed gift baskets or the Tower of Chocolate from Sam’s. I know it is easy to get caught up in the frenzy of Christmas Eve, but head to the ethnic markets in South Augusta instead. Fill your basket with a few selections from the dizzying array of exotic ingredients. Don’t know what you’re buying? Don’t worry. We’ll figure out what to do with the stuff. And even if we don’t, we’ll love you for your sense of adventure.

As eaters with a collective conscience, we’d also enjoy products from regional businesses dedicated to sustainable farming. Receiving some specialty sausage from Shadow Lane Farm in Wagener, a couple pounds of pork belly or country proscuitto from Caw Caw Creek, a 100-acre farm near St. Matthews in the Edisto River watershed, or a few Georgia Red Neck Chickens from Nature’s Harmony Farm in Elberton would be more exciting to us than any seasonal visions of sugarplum fairies.

In the clothing category, don’t buy a Barbecue King or Mama’s Kitchen apron and then check us off your list. In fact, don’t buy us any aprons. We don’t wear them and, if we did, we wouldn’t pick the one that makes us look like we have a six-pack (for him) or the perky upper frontal objects of a 20-year-old (for her). We’ll take our chances with the grease splatter. A pair of oh-so-Euro kitchen clogs would be a nice alternative.

Don’t buy anything that comes in a set. No knife blocks, no barbecue tools, no bar sets. Cooks are notoriously picky about their implements. The Ginsu Classic 10-piece knife set will never, ever compare to the complete and utter satisfaction that is to be found in one perfectly forged eight-inch Wusthof chef’s knife. Generally speaking, try to stay away from goofy kitchen gadgets. More specifically speaking, say no to the cake slicer that looks like a carpentry saw, the fork that doubles as a rolling pizza cutter and the motorized ice cream cone. As curious as it may seem, we’re perfectly happy licking our ice cream without mechanical assistance. In the category of kooky kitchen gadgets, we would make an exception for an egg cuber. What’s not to love about a square hard-boiled egg?
As much as you appreciate our culinary prowess, don’t buy anything that says “Kiss the Cook.” Not a pot holder, a magnet, a dishcloth or a hand-painted sign from Aiken’s Makin’. Buy us a pair of whiskey stones to chill our 30-year Macallan that we like to enjoy after hours in the kitchen. Buy us something to read and please bear in mind the rules from 2003, for they are timeless. No culinary tale that has been turned into a movie or a cottage industry. That means no Eat, Pray, Love and no Julie and Julia. And no celebrity chef or celebrity’s chef cookbooks. I know everybody in these parts is still jazzed up that Very Vera’s carrot cake triumphed over Bobby Flay, but we foodies do not want a copy of Bobby Flay’s Throwdown! Seriously, we really do not want this book. Dig deeper for something esoteric like Ken Albala’s Beans: A History, Steve Striffler’s Banana Wars: Power, Production, and History in the Americas, or Sidney Mintz’ Sweetness and Power: The Place of Sugar in Modern History. Give us something we won’t be embarrassed to read in an airport.

Again, generally speaking, no cooking DVDs. Specifically speaking, no Paula Deen cooking DVDs. The only video I want to see of the bawdy Ms. Deen is the YouTube bit of her being hit in the face with a ham while handing out holiday meat last year. We don’t want to watch someone else cook. We want to cook. Send us to the coast for the Jekyll Island Club Hotel’s cooking school. Four nights in the lovely Crane Cottage, patisserie sessions, a wine tasting seminar with the sommelier, a Jekyll Island Club chef’s logo jacket? We want this. We really want this.

In short, be inventive. We foodies have stocked our pantries and lives with everything that could be considered a necessity. We have all the OXO kitchen tools we need. Yes, even the lemon zester. We have enough flavored teas to host our own Boston Tea Party. And as hard as it is to believe, we really do have extensive collections of cheese spreaders and swizzle sticks.

If we’re on your holiday list, step from the beaten path. Think quirky and obscure. Give us an antique rolling pin. Give us heirloom vegetable seeds. Give us Riedel stemware made specifically for sipping Sauvignon Blanc. Give us something you created in your kitchen. And if you feel you simply must give us something with which to mark our wineglasses, please skip the charms. Buy us a set of Vacu Vin’s Party People wine markers, 12 miniature figures that stick to your glass via a tiny suction cup. Sneaky, Deep, Naughty and Mysterious are among the dozen playful and colorful characters. If you bring me these as a hostess gift, I’ll promptly affix Cool to your glass of Sauvignon Blanc and brag about your gift-buying sensibilities to all my friends.